I know why I am barred from exercising any knowledge profitably

If you are like me, you've failed in every way imaginable to you and even moreso. You've tried everything, failed at everything, and you're tired of living. You want to die, because living is torture. That's your motivation: Die now so you can have a chance at living a non-tortured life in the next phase of existence in this universe.

I cannot live, because they bar me from making good choices.

I have tried every which way to make it in life. I've suffered long enough to know the suffering never ends, because whenever you reach a point where the suffering may end, they damn you again to Hell and torture you until you comply with their directions, which are always in contravention to your best interests. They laugh at you until you comply, then they laugh at you while you comply, and they laugh at you while you fail whilst following their directions, then they laugh at you when you tell them to fuck off and you decide to do your own thing. Then the cycle repeats, over and over and over again.

There must be an afterlife, and it must be a beautiful, hospitable place for those whom have suffered greatly in this life. Jesus Christ foretold its existence. It's been foretold by numerous prophets and followers of faith. The naysayers have owned this world and continue to own this world until they die. But you don't own anything in this world, because you won't be a naysayer. You're the loser in this life, but you're the winner in the afterlife. And they can't take that away from you, ever, by any means available to humankind or beyond.

I have accepted my role as a loser, and will continue to seek a way into the afterlife, to overcome my stupid mortal desire to persist my existence in this life, in this world.

If God is listening, which He is, then He knows I'm ready to meet him finally and forever enjoy his company in Heaven. He's instructed me through the prophets and holy texts, and He's let me know He's a good God. So I await His company in Heaven.

Whenever the time comes, which it shall, I'll finally have found my way, and I'll be a happy person in transferrence of my consciousness to Heaven.

That's it.